Who am I - Part 1

श्रीः

ॐ नमो भगवते श्रीरमणाय

Who am I – Part 1

The direct path to moksha, is enquiry as to one’s true nature. The prakriya to be followed to understand the answer to “Who am I”, has been explained by Bhagavan Sri Ramana.

The goal:

सुखं मे भूयात् दुःखं मा भूत् । is the goal of every person. I want to be happy, I do not want sorrow. I do not want happiness to be diluted by even a bit of sorrow. And I want this happiness to be eternal. This is on everyone’s wishlist.

Bhagavan Sri Krishna says in the Gita –

नास्ति बुद्धिरयुक्तस्य न चायुक्तस्य भावना ।

न चाभावयत: शान्तिरशान्तस्य कुत: सुखम् ॥ BG 2.66 ॥

How does one find happiness ? Through peace, He says.

For the ayukta = unsteady person (person with असमाहित-अन्तःकरणम् - for one without a calm and concentrated mind, says Shankara bhagavadpadacharya) there is no wisdom, and there is no meditation for such an unsteady man. And for an unmeditative man there is no peace. How can there be happiness for one without peace? Peace is the prerequisite for sukham.

The journey starts with our vasanas (tendencies) controlling us, leading to kama / krodha. Kama means any desire which propels us into a journey outwards. Kama emerges from a sense of incompleteness within, which creates a sankalpa - I want this, this will make me happy, this will make me sad, etc are all forms of sankalpa. It creates kama, which pushes us into action driven by selfish goals which perpetuate the sense of doership (agency), entitlement and enhances feelings of likes and dislikes. Kama is where the problem originates – it is one of the manifestations of ignorance. Once the sense of agency seizes us, it is the end of peace. Expectations and disappointments bloat in intensity and volume, ruining everyday life.

Vasanas are potent in that they obscure one’s true nature. With knowledge, one’s true self manifests itself, and is perceived clearly like the fragrance of sandalwood, says Acharyapada in Vivekachudamani # 275.

अन्तःश्रितानन्तदुरन्तवासना धूलीविलिप्तापरमात्मवासना ।

प्रज्ञातिसङ्घर्षणतो विशुद्धा प्रतीयते चन्दनगन्धवत् स्फुटा ॥

The paradox of life:

Nature drives our actions and thoughts to a great extent. It seems paradoxical when we understand that our natural state / svabhavika sthiti, is one of no disturbance. Why is it a paradox? 

You are by nature, liberated, says the shastram. Infact, both bondage and liberation are created states, not natural states. But then why do I not feel liberated ? This is because the 'contrived' state takes over. In this state, ignorance takes charge and manifests as kama, through our vasanas. There are doshas / waves in the mind, which disturb the reflection of one’s true nature. An impure mind can never reflect the real inner light.

Further I feel incomplete due to these doshas. I am mixing myself up with my body, mind and intellect. I attribute the qualities of these, to myself. This means “this” and "I" (इदम् + अहम्) are mixed up. When this is sorted out, I manifest. When the doshas are removed, I remain pure and without ahankara. This is the अनध्यस्तः अहम् – Pure "I" without superimposition. Now moksha is no longer a state to be reached. I am liberated here and now.

Ishvara is without dosha. When we reach Him and unite with Him, we are at peace.

Bhagavan Sri Ramana tells us this direct link through the Aksharamanamalai (AMM) verse # 52 –
தோடம் இல் நீ அகத்தோடு ஒன்றி என்றும்
சந்தொஷம் ஒன்றிட அருள் அருணாசலா (அ)

O Arunachala | You who are without dosha. Bestow your grace on me so that I can merge with you and attain happiness and peace.

The journey for peace:

We understand through the examples of Nachiketa and Arjuna, as to how the choices we make at critical points in time, impact our journeys in search of peace.

After testing Nachiketa for his eligibility to receive the Truth from himself, Yama tells him (Kathopanishad 1.2.2) -

श्रेयश्च प्रेयश्च मनुष्यमेतः तौ सम्परीत्य विविनक्ति धीरः ।

श्रेयो हि धीरोऽभिप्रेयसो वृणीते प्रेयो मन्दो योगक्षेमाद्वृणीते ॥ KU 1.2.2

The man approaches shreyas and preyas. Having examined both carefully, the man of discrimination / dheera chooses shreyas (the good) over preyas (the pleasant). The ignorant chooses preyas for the sake of yogakshemam - attaining the hitherto unattained and protecting the attained. This distinguishes a worldly person from the spiritual seeker.

In the Gita, Arjuna is wise, so he asks Bhagavan Krishna to point him to what is “shreya” -

कार्पण्यदोषोपहतस्वभावः पृच्छामि त्वां धर्मसंमूढचेताः।

यच्छ्रेयः स्यान्निश्चितं ब्रूहि तन्मे शिष्यस्तेऽहं शाधि मां त्वां प्रपन्नम्॥ BG 2.7 ॥

My nature has been overwhelmed by petty-mindedness and I am confused as to what is right and what it wrong. So I ask you as your student, instruct me on what is good (shreyas) for me. I surrender myself to you.

This is when his spiritual journey starts – it is actually his quest for peace that starts.

Peace is our nature and we experience it on and off. But it is covered by a veil of ignorance, which leads to delusion and suffering. When thoughts invade us, they create raaga / dvesha / kartrutvam and bhoktrutvam. Together with surrender to Ishvara, when the mind subsides, these 4 also subside and our real nature shines forth unhindered.

When a devotee asked Bhagavan Sri Ramana what his central teaching was, he said “Center itself is my central teaching”. Center is harmony and circumference is turbulence. Delusion, thoughts, pain, pleasure, suffering – these are forces that mill around the center. We need to penetrate these forces and then the true self will manifest.

Bhagavan Sri Ramana said – you have neither freedom to choose nor to give up. Your only freedom is to renounce doership, but keep doing your work, and be the witness of all that happens. This brings true peace.

What is the exact context of enquiry – why do we need enquiry and where does it take you ? What is the fundamental teaching ?

Context of enquiry – why do we need enquiry and where does it take you?

Means of moksha - Plenary experience of the nondual self is the goal. Enquiry into the nature of the self is the means.

Removal of Adhyasa - When the mind identifies the self with the non-self, there is bondage.  When this wrong identification is removed through the enquiry Who am I, there is release.

Vichara - Self-enquiry is not an inspection into the mind’s contents (like what psychologists deal with). Rather, it is tracing the mind’s first mode, the "I" thought, to its source, which is the self. By proper enquiry the "I" thought also ceases, leaving behind a wordless illumination which is our true self / aatma. By enquiry we mean a deep-dive inwards / प्रत्यक्प्रवणता which means penetrating the koshas / sheaths.

When this happens, the moment the individual self disappears, the might of Ishvara manifests through the body. Jeevanmuktas have an impact on whoever is in their Sannidhi due to this shakti.

The importance of satsanga and guru samparka cannot be overemphasized. In a satsanga, all the people have a common goal and direction, despite differences in their respective positions / life situations / spiritual and intellectual maturity. The very fact that the person is on this path, seems to guarantee a certain level of vairagyam/detachment. While the methods / paths may vary, the people are united by the common goal and guru. Why do paths vary ?

All roads lead to the same destination.

In the language of devotion, the final goal is the dissolution of the mind in its source which is God / self – आत्मनिवेदनम् / स एवाहम् take us to this state of removal of the ego. The hrudayam is seen as bhagavat-svarupam – the mind becomes united with Him.

In AMM # 16, Bhagavan says -

காந்தம் இரும்பு போல் கவர்ந்து எனை விடாமல்
கலந்து எனோடு இருப்பாய் அருணாசலா (அ)

(Attract me to you and keep me there as not different from you)

When one abides in the self through enquiry, it is the path of knowledge. 

In the language of yoga, the final goal is the dissolution of the mind in the aatma in the state of samadhi – तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेऽवस्थानम् is how yoga shashtram defines the state. When chitta vruttis (thoughts) cease, at the time of concentration, the sadhaka rests in his aatma. This is called samadhi or abidance in the self. Swami Vivekananda says - The waves have stopped, the lake is quiet and we see its bottom. When the mind isn’t at work, it is calm and we see our true nature.

What is the effort?  These are different ways of expressing the same truth, which is targeted to remove ego.

Bhakti, when added to yoga, becomes the remover of ahankara.

सदा मोहाटव्यां चरति युवतीनां कुच-गिरौ

नटति-आशा-शाखासु अटति झटिति स्वैरम्-अभितः

कपालिन् भिक्षो मे हृदय-कपिम्-अत्यन्त-चपलं

दृढं भक्त्या बद्ध्वा शिव भवद्-अधीनं कुरु विभो ॥ Shivanandalahari २० ॥

Oh Lord Shiva, who is everywhere, my mind always roams in the forest of evil desires, dances on the bodies of women, wanders at its will in all four directions, from the branch to branch of desire,
Oh Lord who bears the Kapala (skull), take my mind which is like a monkey, under your control, and tie it with the rope of bhakti.

Without Ishvara’s pull, the mind will not go inwards. Mind is restless and must be tied with the rope of bhakti. Now the mind becomes united with Ishvara.

Bhagavan Sri Krishna says in the Gita shloka # 5.4:

साङ्ख्ययोगौ पृथग्बाला: प्रवदन्ति न पण्डिता: ।

एकमप्यास्थित: सम्यगुभयोर्विन्दते फलम् ॥ ४॥

The goal of both jnana marga and yoga marga is the same – abiding in the self. The path could vary for each sadhaka, depending on his stage.

यया यया भवेत् पुंसां व्युत्पत्तिः प्रत्यगात्मनि ।

स सैव प्रक्रियैव स्यात् साध्वी सा च अनवस्थिता ॥

The right method depends on the intellect. There is no ‘one size fits all’ in the spiritual journey.

How does one know oneself? Through enquiry into oneself

Why does this question arise ? Doesn’t shruti make it clear what our true nature is ? Why do we need enquiry ? the problems are - Aavaranam (veling) of our true nature and multiple philosophies propounding different theories confuse the sadhaka.

Destruction of ego at the base of Who am I enquiry

In Akshramana malai (AMM) # 48 & 50 – 

தெய்வம் என்று உன்னைச் சாரவே என்னைச்
சேர ஒழித்தாய் அருணாசலா (அ) # 48

O Arunachala! I sought refuge in you as my God, and you destroyed me utterly – this means you destroyed the jeevatvam / ego in me when I surrendered unto you. This verse combines bhakti and jnanam at once.

When jeevatvam /ego is destroyed, one realises the true nature of one’s self, which is sat-chit-ananda.

தைரியமோடும் உன் மெய் அகம் நாட யான்
தட்டழிந்தேன் அருள் அருணாசலா (அ) # 50

O Arunachala! With courage I sought to know your reality; but alas, I got destroyed in the process. Do bestow your grace on me

Destruction is a strong word to use and does not quite communicate – what we mean in reality is merging / laya. Shiva is the samhara-murthy because He takes everyone into Himself, we all merge into His svarupam at pralaya. He does not destroy the world but merges us all into Him.

When the ego is destroyed, one's true nature shines forth, and the mind rests in the self, contented and at peace. It is the state of abidance in the self.

A point here on bhakti - One’s first love is always oneself – and since happiness is one’s real nature, the search for happiness is actually, a search for one’s own self. We are, whether we realise it or not, searching for our true selves, as our daily quest for happiness. However we are looking for it outside, ie, in the wrong place.

न वा अरे सर्वस्य कामाय सर्वं प्रियं भवति आत्मनस्तु कामाय सर्वं प्रियं भवति Br.U 4-5-6

Yajnavalkya advises Maitreyi - Your supreme love is for yourself. It does not waver. 

Therefore, only when Ishvara is experienced as one's own self, He becomes the object of highest bhakti. This is called Parabhakti. 

The fundamental teaching

In response to specific questions, Bhagavan Sri Ramana says - The enquiry ‘Who am I?’ is not to be regarded as a mental effort to understand the mind’s nature or contents. Its main purpose is to focus the entire mind at its source. It is comparatively easy for us to disentangle ourselves from wrong identification with the physical body and material objects. But the identification with the ego is hard to get over. The outer layers of ignorance may fall away easily. The last one, however, is difficult to tear. The best way to remove it is to track it down to its source. When there is awareness of the source which is the Self, the ego vanishes. And when the ‘I’ has been crossed out through jnana, there is no more bondage and consequent sorrow.

The "I" which is the mind at work, can no longer create sankalpas and desires for external anchors for happiness. I am complete and I know it for a fact. I remain in that state.

 

Tracking the mind to its source - what does this mean ? Vedanta says that when we perceive something in daily life, our mind / manovrutti takes the shape of the object and then we get the knowledge of the object. This object is now the object of enquiry / action. In vichara, we do the reverse. We do not proceed towards the object but inwards, into the vrutti which gave us knowledge of the object. And further inwards…..

Where does this self-enquiry take you ? – One finds the self and abides in the self as a result.

In his work Upadesha saram (US), Bhagavan Sri Ramana explains the state of para bhakti or jnana nishta (abidance in the self) through the verse -

भावशून्यसद्भावसुस्थितिः । भावनाबलात् भक्तिरुत्तमा ॥ US 9

The greatest bhakti is when the mind becomes one with God and aatma.

भावशून्य – without thoughts; सद्भावसुस्थितिः – firm abidance in ‘sat’; How? भावनाबलात् – by the strength of abheda bhavana; भक्तिरुत्तमा – this is the supreme devotion

Further,

हृत्स्थले मनः स्वस्थता क्रिया । भक्तियोगबोधाश्च निश्चितम् ॥ US 10

हृत्स्थले – in the heart मनः स्वस्थता – abidance of the mind

क्रिया भक्ति योग बोधा – the paths of karma bhakti, yoga and jnanam निश्चितम् – have been determined

The goal of all yogas, is to abide in aatma. Whatever path one takes, one eventually gets to the same goal.

Incessant activity of the mind, obscures our self-knowledge. When the mind is still in its place (abiding in aatma svarupam) then jnanam is no longer covered.

Hrudayasthanam finds mention in virtually all of Bhagavan’s teachings. The heart is the source of the mind. It is the place from where we spring. This also is the path shown by all the yogas. The mind becomes peaceful when one’s true nature is found through enquiry. Karma yoga, bhaktiyoga and jnana yoga all lead to this state

What do we mean by understanding one’s true nature ? (Vichara Sangraha - VS)

Destruction of ahankara / जीवात्मभावः is the means to finding one’s true nature.

Experiences such as I came, I went, etc, come naturally to all of us. It seems apparent from these experiences that the consciousness I is the subject of these actions. Enquiry into its true nature, is the way to understand oneself. When Bhagavan Sri Ramana went through an experience of death at the age of 15, he performed an enquiry as to "Who is dying" – he then found that he could disconnect the body from “I” and realized that the body could be a corpse but “I” remain.

Enquiry is prescribed for the uttamadikari (the seeker who is at the highest level of capability) – through this path, the mind becomes quiescent in the self and finally ceases to be (mano-nasha), leaving the pure self-experience untarnished and resplendent.

For the madhyamadhikari (mid-level), meditation on the self is prescribed - the sadhaka directs a continuous flow of the mind towards the same object. The mode “I am the self” leads to realization that "I am the self" (I am not the body, mind, etc).

For lowest grade of adhikari, breath control is useful, which leads to mind control. Ultimately the mind must get destroyed, for the aatma to shine forth.

Destruction of ahankara is the means to finding one’s true nature.

यत्र योगेश्वरः कृष्णो यत्र पार्थो धनुर्धरः । तत्र श्रीर्विजयो भूतिर्ध्रुवा नीतिर्मतिर्मम ॥

सर्वं श्रीकृष्णार्पणमस्तु

Books referred to:

AMM - Aksharamana malai (Bhagavan Sri Ramana)

PD - Panchadashi

VS – Vichara Sangraha (Bhagavan Sri Ramana)

US – Upadesha saaram (Bhagavan Sri Ramana)

DMS – Dakshimamurthy Stotram

BG – Bhagavad Gita

KU - Kathopanishad